So, I went down to the wilds and looked around for a while, where, eventually, I found the mighty Malaclypse the Elder. I told em where the treasure was and e took it from there and reburied it somewhere else without telling me where. Then E gave me the map, and 21 fragments, called Xazij (which look mysteriously like trinkets) and took A$152, the cost of these "Xazij" from me. (I conjecture he took it to the treasury, but you never know) Anyways, these Xazij look and act so much like trinkets that they can pretty much just call them that.
Anyways, here is the map, followed by the Xazij:
DAFBFCFAEXFCFF MFFDKFCFXGHDEF FIFCDOFHFGFHEA FDCFCDAFLDHFGE DEDLFNECDAEHEJ HEAEAFLDODMDLF DEFAFAFBDCFFFM HEADEDXECFEEEF FEDCEFDCFMEHEJ HEKDCDOFCDBFAD FODCFOEDDFEBDL AEFDDFCDMDHEJF EAFLDCFKDCFFGA GFMDLFEFEFLDDF FDFLDEFEFLFMDG
There are 21 trinkets that may help, called Xazij. They were given to me by the mysterious Malaclypse the elder in return for A$152.
NOTE: while most of the Xazij store reasonably well, Xazij #4 is perishable and should be solved quickly, or it may become corrupted and worthless.
Xazij #1 Cost: A$8
The First Book of the Law of Fives
Description: "The book is a thick old tome bound in what appears to be lizard skin of some sort. Inscribed on the first page is the mysterious phrase, `All is one, the snake eats its tail. The beginning, the middle, the end, All are One.'"
Xazi #2 Cost: A$13
The Mysterious Cone that Was on the Lonely Mountain
Description: "It has a strange series of numbers and letters etched around it, in a corkscrew that completely covers its conic, cat-height tall surface."
Xazij #3 Cost: A$7
GRUAD's Plaything of Inexplicable Power
Description: "Mordecai studied this for years, but could never understand it. Perhaps it is best to begin with his postulates, but remember GRUAD's heritage and the loss of Atlantis. Perhaps it is best to throw the Plaything into a pentagon and leave it there forever."
Xazij #4 Cost: A$7
The Misfiled Papers of the Council on Foreign Relations
Description: "They were supposedly a list of the ID numbers of the enemies of the Council. Unfortunately, an overeager secretary filed them in the 'Reassignment Queue' and they were never seen again... or at least, they weren't seen until now."
Xazij #5 Cost: A$10
-17
Description: "George looked surprised. 'What?' he asked, his mind spinning from Hagbard's words now as much as from the Kallisti Gold. 'How can an integer be a Xazij?' Hagbard just looked at him, face impassive. Finally, George turned away. 'I'll be in my room,' he shouted back behind him. 'Call me when we get to this isle thing.' Hagbard shook his head sadly as George disappeared around the corner. 'You came so close both times right there, George,' he said, 'but you need to fly even farther."
Xazij #6 Cost: A$6
The Illuminati Hex Code of Doom
Description: "Chaos, Discord, Confusion, Bureaucracy, and Aftermath. Time to immanentize the Eschaton."
Xazij #7 Cost: A$7
The Elevenfold Exhortations of Eris
Description: "These majik words are said to contain immense power. But due to the corrupting influence of the Illuminati, most of the words have been lost in part and are now fairly powerless."
Xazij #8 Cost: A$8
The Mangled Output of the Machine that Goes *Fn0rd*
Description: "The Machine is a bastardized cousin of the other Machines (*ping*, *blurp*, etc.) that only went *Fn0rd* once, and really isn't much like them at all."
Xazij #9 Cost: A$6
Matching Spell Book and Shades of LILITH VELKOR
Description: "She was known both for her uncanny ability to unify people and her seemingly negative talent of seperating even the closest of friends. Contrary to propaganda, she was a champion of order, and indeed it was she who developed the Illuminati-dominated number-and-letter ordering systems that we still use today."
Xazij #10 A$14
The Arrow-Straight Path of Deception
Description: "The most straightforward of the Xazij, it is also the most dangerous and one of the hardest."
Xazij #11 Cost: A$7
Weishaupt's Masterpiece
Description: "Due to an error on the part of the Promoter, there is no description for Weishaupt's Masterpiece."
Xazij #12 Cost: A$9
Eight Very Wise Pieces of Advice, Some of Which Aren't Helpful at All
Description: "The wise man heeds the advice of Malaclypse the Elder, even the parts that don't seem to make much sense."
Xazij #13 Cost: A$5
Malenkai's Prayer
Description: "To the treasure-hunter i say the following: recite it twice when you rise from bed in the morning, say it twice when the morning star takes wing and flies, declaim it twice when the sun is high overhead, twice shout it out joyously before you eat your evening meal, say it twice just before you go to sleep, and mumble it twice softly in your dreams. The nonobservant need only recite it once each time."
Xazij #14 Cost: A$10
Matched Set of Model Eye and Pyramid
Description: "In Eris We Trust is written on the back of each Ackadollar... and there's that funny pyramid, with the writing so small you can just barely make it out"
Xazij #15 A$5
Dillinger's Codex
"It's not what is here that is important, but rather what is not. John could read minds. That's why it's Frank Sullivan's organ in the Smithsonian and not his. But remember what Mordecai said and remember it well."
Xazij #16 Cost: A$5
The Golden Apple of Discord
Description: "Kallisti"
Xazij #17 Cost: A$4
Mordecai Malignatus' Words of Wisdom
Description: "Passed down from generation to generation, the Words of Wisdom seem mere drivel to the unilluminated. The true adept, however, realizes that there is a truth behind every lie and a lie behind every truth."
Xazij #18 Cost: A$4
The Second Book of the Law of Fives
Description: "The book is a thin pamphlet with a holographic picture of a camel on the front. Inscribed on the first page is the mysterious phrase, `Five is the number, in twos, in threes, and especially in fives'"
Xazij #19 Cost: A$3
It's not that bad, really, it's not
Description: "It *looks* ugly. In fact, it looks *really* ugly. However, It's not that bad, really it's not is easier to understand than most of the other Xazij."
Xazij #20 Cost A$9
The World Chessboard
Description: "The Erisians and the Illuminati have been playing a game, with us mehums as pawns, for as long as anyone can remember."
Xazij #21 Cost: A$5
The Ionic Columns of the JAM
Description: "The eleven columns have arcane runes written down them, a different pattern of runes on each column. The columns do seem to have something in common; the top symbols are always a deep red which darkens to brown then transmutes to a pale, glowing, green as the symbols move down the columns."
To whoever is gonna be harfing this: the names of these trinkets are not Xazij#1-21 but rather the subtitle beneath the number and cost.
#7 is a forgery, and transfers to Eris. Keep it, and do what you will with its secrets.
I offer #13 and #15 to saaremaa.
I offer one of eir choice each to /dev/joe, JT, Studge, and anyone else who wants one for the purposes of treasure-hunting.
Each Xazij has a clue associated with it, which, in the case of privately owned Xazij, will be privately emailed to the owner. All other clues will be revealed publicly in about a week, maybe less.