PROSTHETIC FOREHEAD ARCHIVE

Prosthetic Foreheads are governed by rule 915

/dev/joe (Joseph DeVincentis) - Tue, 4 Jun 1996 10:01 CDT

Ah, the endless variety of Prosthetic Foreheads...

I browse through the available Prosthetic Foreheads and I find the one I like. I have selected a Prosthetic Forehead with these properties:

1. Physically, it resembles the Prosthetic Forehead worn by Michael Dorn in his role as Worf on Star Trek: The Next Generation and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

2. It has the following game-related effects:
a. While this Prosthetic Forehead is being worn, no other Prosthetic Foreheads may be bought by the methods described in Rule 818.
b. When this Prosthetic Forehead is first worn, its wearer may amend one rule, change as many resolutions to non-resolution proposals as he wishes, and set his score to any number of points.

In accordance with rule 818, I hereby pay the seven ackadollars and buy a Prosthetic Forehead of the type described above.

I hereby wear the Prosthetic Forehead purchased above. I choose to use its effects to:
1. Amend rule 663 by changing the first sentence to "A proposal may state that it is a resolution"
2. Make all resolutions The Great Old One changed to resolutions become normal proposals and no longer be resolutions. This is potentially all of P829, P835 and P837-848.
3. Set my score to 257 points.

Since the Magic Number (as defined by Rule 422) is currently 257, I win the second cycle of Ackanomic.

--
/dev/joe, Joseph DeVincentis, devjoe@wilma.che.utexas.edu

"If I were a carpenter I'd hammer on my piglet, I'd collect the seven dollars and I'd buy a big prosthetic forehead and wear it on my real head. Everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads."
--They Might Be Giants, "We Want a Rock", from _Flood_, 1990.

Niccolo Flychuck (Uri Bruck) - Tue, 04 Jun 1996 22:07:13 +0300

I found the most marvelous Prosthetic Forehead.
It is masterfully crafted out of clear glass, it is a perfect fit for my own forehead.
Its game related abilities are - it has the power to repeal R818.
My claim that it can do this is based on /dev/joe 's claim that a Prosthetic Forehead can do anything. I will wear it as soon as /dev/joe, takes off his Prosthetic Forehead.
Unfortunately My Prosthetic Forehead can only be used once.

It seems that if CFJ 180 is Judges false, this Prosthetic Forehead will lose this power, as long with all other Prosthetic Foreheads. Contrarywise, if it is ruled true, I wear this one and repeal R818, which will consequently nullify all powers of all Prosthetic Forehead.

snowgod (Phil Ackley) - Thu, 6 Jun 1996 16:15:32 -0800

What's this? A rock to wind a string around? No, It's A$7 burning a whole in my pocket.

I think I'll buy a prosthetic forhead and wear it on my real head.

I order a prosthetic forehead that looks similar to a real forehead, except that it measures four feet tall, most likely making me the tallest Ackanomic player around. My new forhead also has a pair of Rabbit Ears (of the TV variety) sticking up another 3 feet from the highest point on my new forehead. The words "I plaindrome I" are printed microscopically in place of each and every pore that would be on my new forehead, if it had pores.

I put on my new forhead, so that I may start wearing it in acordance with the rules, and walk away whistling some little ditty about a particle man.

Malenkai (Randy Hall) - Tue, 25 Jun 1996 09:14 -0400

I am buying and wearing a Prosthetic Forehead. The P.F. will be green with a big happy face on it. Above that will be a 3 dimensional golden frog.

I will spend A$7 for the P.F. According to my records, I have A$1091 to spend, therefore I can afford it. I ask the financier to debit my account in accordance with the P.F. rule.

It seems to me there has been some debate as to what my account balance really is, A$4, or 0, etc, or A$1091. As far as I can tell, debate is not sufficient to legally adjust it from what it legally is. Therefore, until rule of law, or CFJ indicates that my balance is not A$1091 (- 7), I shall continue to play the game with my legal balance. If someone disagrees with my balance, they should propose a rule change or a CFJ. As far as I can remember, and I am not sure, currency is Protected, and is beyond the reach of contentious debate. It seems to me we should be consistent in when to apply debate to objects. Ie, apply the same philosophy to determining the disposition of the Trombone and the currency.

mr cwm (Eric Murray) - Tue, 23 Jul 1996 17:20:31 -0400 (EDT)

I was admiring snowgod's Prosthetic Forehead, as depicted on the Ambassador's page, and decided the time had come for me to invest in one for myself, or, better yet, two. So, in accord with R818, I hereby spend A$14 to purchase two Prosthetic Foreheads.

The first is exactly like my real forehead, to the extent that such similarity is legal. That is, it only differs enough as is necessary to comply with the Rules. I intend to keep this Prosthetic Forehead in storage, to be used in the event of an accident occuring to my real forehead.

The second is exactly like Simon Marty Harriman's real forehead, to the extent that such similarity is legal. That is, it only differs enough as is necessary to comply with the Rules. I intend to keep this Prosthetic Forehead in storage, to be sold in the event that Prosthetic Foreheads become very valuable.

snowgod (Phil Ackley) - Wed, 24 Jul 1996 00:43:52 -0800

mr cwm's recent multi-forhead purchase lead me to the realization that there are some important forehead dynamics that have been goin unoticed so far in this game (at a subconsious level, no doubt). Acting upong this revelation, I wish to purchase a new forehead (which I will not wear right now) with the following attributes, so that I may better study forehead dynamics (officialy, in my position of inventor of course): My new forehead, at first glance, will always appear to look remarkably like a normal forehead. Upon closer inspection though any admirer will realize that the new forhead exists as the inverse of the original in every detail except for the words branded across the hairline reading "STOP FOREHEAD DISCRIMINATION!"

2) Next, In accordance with R 1036, I shall use my vending machine, which works as described above, to transfer the Rock To Wind A Stick Around, currently in the treasury, from the treasury to myself.

3) Next, in accordance with R 818, I shall transfer the Rock To Wind A Stick Around to the treasury in exchange for a non-desript, but practical Prosthetic Forehead I see on display.

4) I shall describe the Forehead:

It is solid gold; some appraisers have mentioned a value of A$500 for the headpiece. It simply has an advertisement etched in the front of it:

For Sale!! Cheap!!
Prosthetic Foreheads for only A$4!
The Cheapest anywhere in the land!
There is an endless supply and an endless variety available for Purchase!

Foreheads, foreheads galore...

As I look through the treasury vaults, gazing upon the infinite variety of Prosthetic Foreheads, I see one that captures my fancy.

It is bright green. (I mean *bright* green, the sort of glow-in-the-day, put-a-neon-highlighter-to-shame green that you can see from miles away.)

Aside from this, its most prominent feature is an odd protrusion growing from the middle of its brow that looks exactly like me. As I stand agape, it too drops its jaw and stares at me as I stare at it. I jump backwards in surprise, and it makes a mostly fruitless attempt to jump back into the main body of the Prosthetic Forehead.

When I smile, it smiles. When I frown, it frowns. It mirrors my every action. When I vote, it tries to vote, but the Tabulator ignores its attempt. In a brief instant of egomania, I pay 7 A$, remove it from its shelf, and place it on my real head.

As I do so, I look in the mirror and notice the protrusion now is wearing a miniature replica of my prosthesis, which in turn wears a miniature of it, which in turn...

As far as the eye can see.

Ah, the endless variety of prosthetic foreheads! And me, with 24 Rocks to Wind A String Around! I use my rocks to purchase some foreheads.

I step foreward and select a forehead that is rather large, really, so that it may contain all sorts of vast legal knowledge. It is bronze, like a torch, and has some nice blue highlights around the edges. Stamped across the front of this forehead are the words "Re-Elect snowgod." I transfer this forehead to the Honorable Bascule, assuming he acks the transaction.

For my next forehead purchase I select a forehead that resembles nothing more than a loaf of sourdough bread (San Francisco variety) and resides *inside* the real head of it's wearer. Written microscopically among the porous surface of the bread are the words "snowgod for President!" I transfer this forehead to the very talented Breadbox, assuming he acks the transaction.

Next, I select a lovely forehead that is (amazingly enough) the same size and shape as the normal forehead of it's owner. Contained on this forehead is a map of the earth, which is of course flat. A small legend tells you that the map was created by snowgod, who just happens to be running for president. I transfer this forehead to Calvin N Hobbes assuming he acks the transaction.

Ah! Next I select a forehead, and this one was difficult to choose, that is actually a rock to wind a string around in disguise. Etched into the rock, and this must have taken at least 8 weeks of careful carving, are the words "Hey! Vote for snowgod!" I transfer this forehead to Dagny, assuming the acking bit, of course.

Out of the corner of my eye, I catch another wonderful forehead, which I select. This forehead bears an amazing resemblance to a /dev/forehead, except for two minor details. The first is a small olive branch that rests above the eyebrows. The second is an amazingly erect set of Vulcan ears. This forehead also contains a little billboard atop it which reads "Vote for snowgod... He's good people"." The billboard can be retracted by it's owner, but the retraction is always accompanied by a good deal of squeeking ang grinding and is really very unpleasant to everyone involved. To /dev/joe I transfer this forehead.

Next, I select a forehead that has been painted a yellow shade of pastel yellow, with a light pink trim. This forehead come complete with an impeccable haircut and a poem, written broadly across the front of it. The poem reads: "A forehead for our greatest poet, donated by snowgod who wants your voet!" Written in very tiny text beneath the poem is an apology by snowgod who perhaps should consider running for gaoler where his awful poetry can be best appreciated. I transfer this forehead to Fnord.

I pick another forehead, this one tall and made of felt, with a feather sticking out of it in a very dandy way. Attached to the forehead (with elmer's glue) are some bright green felt letters spelling out the following poem:

"All hail th'illustrious god of snow Who 'pon us suction cups bestowed, For he who paid for days of frink Is still a leader grand, I think!

(And yea, Guy Fawkes is quite a flake; Of syntax mockery he doth make, And for the sake of finding rhyme, Use structure from a prior time."

To Guy Fawkes I transfer this forehead.

I trip over a forehead, which has been carelessly left on the floor, but I decide to trade one of my rocks for it nonetheless. It is quite charming, really. A forehead that may, perhaps, be just a bit to small to acutally cover ones real head, with a donkey tail sticking strait out of the center of it. The tail keeps twitching around, making whooshing noises which begin to sound an awful lot like "Hip Hip Hooray! Three Cheers for the next president of Ackanomia - Snowgod!" I transfer this forehead to Habeous Corpus.

Of course, no forehead purchase would be complete without a box of hammers, which is exactly what I select next. This forehead attaches squarely over it's owners realy head, but somehow manages not to obscure his vision. Above the eys, and below the hairline is a large hatch. When opened it reveals that it's wearers head is really nothing more than a box full of hammers. Written on the front of the hatch is "Thanks to snowgod, all my dreams have been realized! He's getting my vote for president!" I transfer this forehead to IdiotBoy.

My next forehead purchase is very special. This forehead is tall and angular and very wise looking. It is made of fine crystal. Etched into this crystal are a golden frog, a blue cross, and a rare tropical harf (which has never been seen in captivity). Also etched, in a fine script, are the words "snowgod, snowgod he's our man! If he can't do it, no one can!" I transfer this forehead to Malenkai.

Next I purchase I prosthetic forehead that begs the question "Why is this forehead self-referential?" Psychic forces broadcast incessantly from this forehead tell everyone to vote for snowgod. I transfer this forehead to mr cwm.

Now I make another very special forehead purchase. This forehead bears a remarkable resemblance to Chess Piece Face, entire, except for the Vulcan Eyebrows that cover it's owners real eyebrows. Spinning around the forehead etherealy are the words "Hi, I'm Niccolo Flychuck, and I'm running for President. Please vote for snowgod!" I transfer this forehead to Niccolo Flychuck.

Oh dear, I've forgotten a forehead! This forehead is hairy, and smells like a camel, but that is okay, because it is actually a camel that can be worn on a forehead, or detached in ridden in a pinch. That camel doesn't make typical camel noises though. Instead it tells everyone it come in contact with to "Cast your vote in favor of snowgod, A man who fulfills his promises." I transfer this forehead to Mohammed.

My next forhead purchase is kind of silly, but I can't help myself. It's bright blue, and made of latex. It also inflatable. Completely replacing it's owners original forehead skin, it allows for a clear view of the inner workings of it's owners mind when fully inflated and streched thin. Of course, when examine it's owners mind you can see that he is thinking "Wow! That snowgod is peachy keen! I think I'll vote for him for president!" To pascla do I transfer this forehead.

Next I purchase a forehead which looks like a cute little spotted mushroom. Of course, the colors are a little funny, but I don't let that bother me. I also don't let the little blue guys living inside it bother me. They are screaming "Stop! Stop! Your taking our home! Well do anything! Just stop! We'll even vote for snowgod!" I transfer this forehead to PapaSmurph (sp?) assuming he acks this sordid little transaction.

Another forehead purchase you ask? Yes! This forehead is simple and plain, but emotionally powerful. It is a neon sign which is worn on it's owner's real head. The sign reads "I invented Harf!" I transfer this forehead to Robert Sevin.

I trade another rock for a forehead of great class and distinction. It's owner has obviously not just learned the tricks of the trade, but instead learned the trade. A small gold plate on the forehead declares that "This forehead was donated by snowgod, a swell guy!" I transfer this forehead to Techno.

When I see the next forehead, i realize that I have no choice but to purchase it, and transfer it to my evil twin, ThinMan. It is another forehead of obvious class and distinction, but much different from Techno's. This forehead looks like me, hates work like me, and even has a twin like me. It has a a small label, made of silk and attached along a seam. The labels reads (Big Surprise Coming) "Hi! I'm probably not voting for snowgod, but I've come to believe he's actually a pretty harfy type of guy!" Like I said before, I transfer this forehead to ThinMan.

Just a few more foreheads to purchase now. The next forehead attempts to answer the age old question "Why is this forehead dissimilar to mr cwm's?" but fails, unfortunately. It does succeed, however in informing you to vote for snowgod, the next president of ackanomia! I transfer this forehead to this is not a name.

Next, I purchase a forehead, colored red, white and blue, with yellow stars and pink horseshoes. This forehead has a loadspeaker atached to the top that constantly blares the Star Spangled Banner and other marching tunes, with only short interuptions between songs for a public service message. This public message says "Greetings Ackanomians! My Name is Uncle Sam and I am running for President. Vote for me, or better yet, vote for snowgod! He's good people." to Uncle Sam I transfer this forehead.

The next forehead falls off a high shelf and bonks me right between the eyes. Lucky it did though, or I may never have noticed it. It's another lovely forehead, made entirely of A$, wrapped tight to resemble Waynes forehead (or at least a more expensive version of the same). It contains a gold star, attached firmly to the center of it as an additional reward for the great work Wayne does as tabulator. Written in itty bitty little script above the eyebrows are the words "I vote for snowgod once and I'll do it again! snowgod for president!" I transfer this forehead to Wayne.

And finally I purchase a forehead that like nothing more than a snowflake. Well, Maybe a big snowflake. Spinning, slowly spinning. Inducing hypnoisis. Subliminally reenforcing your already existing desire to vote for snowgod. I place this forehead upon my head and happily walk back home.

I am trading a rock for a forehead with the following characteristics:

It is a lovely forehead that is (amazingly enough) the same size and shape as the normal forehead of it's owner. Contained on this forhead is a replication of a "globe" - a charming device that I have seen during my travels as ambassador. This "globe" thingee depicts the earth as if it were a perfect sphere, a concept which I cannot fathom.

Mr Hobbes,

I, like you, used to believe in the roundness of the earth, but I have changed my evil ways. The earth is obviously flat - the rules tell us so. This fascinating discussion of AckaPhysics (and I like the fractal bit) has been spurred in large part by the flatness of the earth and the possible discovery of pressure as a universal force. I do not believe that the flatness of the earth can even be contested.

That being said, I transfer my newly created forhead to Calvin N Hobbes, who though misguided obviously stands for what he believes in.

In accordance with R 1300 I am taking the following actions:

1) I am delivering my Bronze Torch to the Gaoler to be placed in the Gaol's evidence room.

2) I am buying the following Prosthetic Forehead, which I shall give the the Inventor:

It is a non-descript shade of Chartreuse. In the middle of it is a large Loophole. The Loophole in encircled by a ring of red. Extending from the upper-left quadrant of the circle to the lower-right, along one of the circle's diameters, is a line of red.

I am placing 6 A$ in Bascule's Vending Machine in exchange for a Rock To Wind A String Around.

I am exchanging this Rock for a Prosthetic Forehead of the following description.

This prosthetic forehead mostly brilliantly white, with small ruffles forming a vertical strip down its center. It has two shiny brass buttons, polished to mirror quality, one placed directly between the wearer's eyebrows and another in the center of the wearer's forehead. Careful examination of the buttons finds that each bears a motif very similar to the text of Proposal 1341. At the hairline, it sports a black bow tie.

I am taking off snowgod's lovely campaign forehead, so that I might recover from a sore head in time to wear my formal forehead before the end of the next Public Gathering.

I wish to purchase a Prosthetic Forehead. It makes the wearers head appear to have grown to a disproporionate size compared to the rest of eir head. It has, written on it in glowing white letters, MALENKAI! Speaker, Expert, Wizard, and Mentor Supreme! Hail Him!

I give it to Malenkai, assuming he acks the transaction.

Regards,
Strider
(with thanks for being an incredibly harfy Mentor)

I would like to purchase a prosthetic forehead. It looks like a fairly normal human forehead, but at the top of the part which covers the wearer's forehead it curves up over the top of the head in a shape and color closely resembling the hat worn by Peter Sellers in the Pink Panther movies. It continues back and down behind the wearer, in a shape and color closely resembling the trench-coat worn by Peter Sellers in the Pink Panther movies. As soon as the purchase is official, I shall wear it.

This forehead simply has the following engraved in runic script across its top: I have successfully translated the Runestone of Jukkasjarvi, and have completed the quest for the Golden Frog. I am now the Prophet of the Golden Frog.

I am buying a Prosthetic Forehead to serve as the prize of my treasure hunt.

It is call the Great Treasure Finder as it has those words inscribed into in in large letters around it. It is covered with miniatures of all treasure yet found as well as maps with notes and X's and arrows and 8X10 color clossies of Schiermann excavating Troy and well as a handy secret pocket to hide your treasure.

I am turning over my 500 rocks to the treasury to buy 500 prosthetic foreheads. The descriptions of these foreheads follow:

#1-26: these foreheads each have a large red letter protruding above the head of the wearer; one forehead for each capital letter from A to Z, in that order.

#27-36: these foreheads each have a large green digit protruding above the head of the wearer; one forehead for each digit from 0 to 9 in that order.

#37-250: these foreheads have full masks that cover the faces of the wearer; they look like the following people and fictional characters:
(37-55 From _Lord of the Rings_:) Aragorn, Tom Bombadil, Eomer, Eowyn, Faramir, Galadriel, Gandalf, Sam Gamgee, Gimli, Gollum, Legolas, Farmer Maggot, Saruman, Sauron, Theoden, Wormtongue, Pippin, Bilbo, and Frodo,
(56-96:) The first 41 Presidents of the United States,
(97-101 from the Hitchhiker series:) Zaphod Beeblebrox's first head, Zaphod Beeblebrox's second head, Arthur Dent, Ford Prefect, Trillian
(102-138 from various Star Trek series:) Jean-Luc Picard, Beverly Crusher, Will Riker, Deanna Troi, Data, O'Brien, Wesley Crusher, Geordi La Forge, Ro Laren, Picard (as Locutus), Q, Tasha Yar, Guinan, Barclay, James Kirk, Spock, Dr. McCoy, Scotty, Chekov, Uhura, Sisko, Odo, Kira, Jadzia Dax, Bashir, Quark, Janeway, Chakotay, Harry Kim, Paris, Tuvok, Kes, Neelix, Torres, the Emergency Holographic Doctor, the Borg Queen from First Contact, Zephram Cochrane,
(139-149 from Star Wars:) Luke Skywalker, Leia, Han Solo, Chewbacca, C3PO, R2D2 (the entire thing sits on top of the head), Yoda, Obi-Wan, Darth Vader, the Emperor, generic Stormtrooper,
(150-157 Music Heads:) the 4 Beatles, young Elvis, old Elvis, John Flansburgh and John Linnell from They Might be Giants.
(158-250 Ackanomic Heads:) the 93 current and former players listed on the Players' e-mail archive page, in the order they are currently listed.

#251-262: Chess piece heads -- 1 each King, Queen, Rook, Knight, Bishop, Pawn in each color: Black and White.

#263-486: Sports Heads - these have the team logos embedded in the middle of what otherwise look like perfectly normal human foreheads for the following:
(263-292) All 30 NFL teams
(293-320) All 28 Major League baseball teams
(321-349) All 29 NBA teams
(350-375) All 26 NHL teams
(376-486) All 111 U.S. colleges that played NCAA division 1-A football in 1996.
Each of the above groups is ordered in alphabetical order of the team nicknames, with the city/state/college name in alphabetical order as a tiebreaker.

#487-499: Crown Heads - these cover the entire top of the head, and look like the crowns worn by the 12 face cards and the joker in a deck of Bicycle Rider Back playing cards.

#500: The last forehead has a flashing neon "500" hanging in front of its wearer's real head.

The elvis forehead was found to be unique, 8-5, but the SMH and mr cwm foreheads were found to be copies (2-11 and 1-12, respectively) and were destroyed at Fri, 18 Apr 1997 13:58:49 -0400.

In celebration of my getting the Great Trombone, I will now exchange my Rock To Wind A String Around for a Prosthetic Forehead.

As I browse through the Treasury looking for a PF(PF? Is _that_ what those really are?)that suits me, I see a number of them hanging on a big rack. No, wait, that's not a rack--it's a Forehead itself, covered with a tremendously huge set of deer antlers! Tossing the other Foreheads that were hanging on it onto the floor(the janitorial robot can clean it up later, and besides, there's no gravity, so they don't hit the floor anyway), I take this Forehead for my own, put it on, thankful there is no gravity so that the antlers don't give me a permanent neck injury or anything.

IAC, I am buying the following Prosthetic Forehead from the treasury and presenting it to Mohammed:

It is curved like the Earth. In fact, it looks like the Earth, rather than the wearer's head, is sitting on the wearer's shoulders when this thing is donned. It is specially fitted to be worn with the Shades of Chorg, and, if used properly, it will set up a telepathic link between its wearer and those long lost Shades.

I would also like to buy a Prosthetic Forehead. It will have the following description:
"The forehead looks exactly like the wearers normal forehead, but has a black cloth mask attached just above the eyebrows. The mask continues down to the bridge of the wearers nose. Masks are terribly comfortable afterall, and I think everyone will be wearing them soon."

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